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ABOUT TRACI

I didn’t create Elemental Illumination because I figured everything out.

I created it because I haven’t.

And because I know what it feels like to have absolutely no fucking idea what comes next.

Before life changed, I was the person people came to when something went wrong.

I was sensitive, intuitive, empathetic.

An amazing listener.

A helper.

A fixer.

I loved gardening, animals, walking on the beach, sunshine and sunsets.

I loved cooking—especially making something yummy for my sons. Cooking was therapy for me.

Mother Nature was always where I went for peace and answers.

And I was confident.

Fearless, even.

Helping other people made me feel alive.

Then Everything Changed

My dad—my Pops—was my hero. The most amazing person on the planet.

I watched Alzheimer’s take him, and I was there through the entire trajectory.

After twenty-two years of marriage, my husband walked out.

I lost the marriage I thought was good, the beautiful home I loved, and the family unit I thought would always exist.

And I watched it break my sons’ hearts.

My sister-in-law died of cancer.

My best friend died of cancer.

My soul dog died suddenly.

And all of this happened during COVID.

More recently, my mom died too.

And losing my husband was not only losing a marriage.

He had been my best friend.

I Was Lost

I was fucking terrified.

Not dramatic scared.

Haunting fear.

The kind that gets into everything.

I had spent my life fixing things, and suddenly I was surrounded by things I could not fix.

I could not fix Alzheimer’s.

I could not fix cancer.

I could not fix death.

I could not make another person stay.

I could not take the heartbreak away from my sons.

I felt absolutely lost.

And I am not going to give you some polished story about rising from the ashes and never being afraid again.

There are still pieces of that fear in me.

I’m still practicing too.

The People at My Table

I did not do all of this alone.

There were beautiful people who stayed.

People who sit at what I call my table of life.

They loved me.

They held space for me.

They could not fix what had happened.

And thank Source they didn’t try to pretend they could.

What I needed was something very simple:

I’ve got you. However that needs to look to you, I’ve got you.

Not an answer.

Not a timeline.

Not someone telling me what I should do.

Someone willing to stay.

And Somehow, Mother Nature Had Me Too

I started finding hearts.

A heart-shaped leaf.

A rock.

A cloud.

Little hearts appearing in Mother Nature.

I started photographing them and sharing them.

And they made me smile.

And when you smile—even in the middle of something hard—it can feel like a tiny snippet of happiness.

Then something beautiful happened.

Other people started noticing hearts too.

They would see one and think of me.

They still send me photographs privately.

Without realizing it, I had begun practicing the thing that would eventually become Elemental Illumination.

I was noticing.

Then I Started Looking Closer

I noticed the seasons.

How things die back in fall and winter.

How bare a tree can look.

How everything changes color.

And then spring comes.

New growth.

Not the old leaves put back onto the tree.

New ones.

Life can grow again without becoming what it was before.

Mother Nature never told me what I was going through wasn’t hard.

She showed me that hard wasn’t the only thing that was there.

Elemental Illumination Grew From There

There was no giant business plan.

I did not sit down one morning and think:

“You know what the world needs? Another wellness brand.” 😂

It grew organically.

Because I knew that if I needed this, other people probably did too.

We all experience loss and grief.

Death.

Divorce.

Friendship.

Identity.

Health.

Home.

A dream.

The future we thought we were going to have.

A version of ourselves.

Eventually, life asks all of us to let go of something we were not ready to lose.

I needed a safe place.

I needed someone beside me.

I needed room to be exactly where I was.

I needed:

I’ve got you.

And eventually, I needed to learn:

I’ve got me too.

I Found My Strength Differently

For most of my life, my strength was something I used for other people.

Then I began realizing my strength for myself.

That was different.

I didn’t become strong. I realized I already was.

Strength was not fixing everything.

Sometimes strength was surviving the day.

Setting a boundary.

Asking for help.

Sitting in grief.

Putting my feet in the grass.

Noticing one heart.

Choosing myself.

Staying with myself when I could not fix what was happening.

I Can Do Hard Things

This does not mean I am never afraid.

Trust me.

I fucking am.

It means I trust myself differently now.

I can listen to people I love.

I can learn from therapy.

From teachers.

From my spirituality.

From Mother Nature.

And still know:

The life I’m choosing has to belong to me.

I can make a choice.

I can notice what happens.

I can pivot if I need to.

I do not need the perfect answer to trust myself with the next step.

I can do hard things.

Why I’m Here

I am not here because I have the answers.

I am not here to tell you how to heal.

I am not here to give you a timeline.

People sat beside me.

My table of life held me.

Therapy and spirituality supported me.

Mother Nature held me in a way that is hard to explain.

And I know how powerful it would have been to have another human look at me and simply say:

I’ve got you.

So that is what I want to offer here.

Not:

“Let me show you the way.”

More:

I’ve got you while you find your way.

Not your answer.

A place to find your own.

Not a map telling you where your life should go.

A place quiet enough to hear yourself again.

Not someone to fix you.

Someone willing to sit beside you while you remember your own strength.

And If You’re Sitting Where I Once Sat...

If you are scared.

If you are lost.

If the life you knew seems to have disappeared.

If everyone else’s opinions are so loud you cannot hear yourself.

Come sit with us.

You do not have to figure everything out.

You do not have to prove anything.

You do not have to find the lesson.

You do not have to be ready.

Yes, you can.

I believe in you.

So should you.

However that looks to you.

No one else.

And until you can believe that for yourself?

I’ve got you.